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We are all scared of Rejection.

This is meant to be a sentimental time of year, when families all come together, be happy and share some festive cheer.  But for some, it’s not joyful or singing round the log fire.  Some people are just as scared of rejection as they were, back when they were a child.  Rejection can come from family members, being totally ignorant to your feelings, or it can be from your partner who is totally oblivious.  Either way it can be tough…

If you look at the Maslow effect diagram, our fundamental needs as a human being are quite simple;

 The need to belong…

The third layer (above) of human needs are social and involve feelings of belongingness. The need is especially strong in childhood and can over-ride the need for safety as witnessed in children who cling to abusive parents. Deficiencies with respect to this aspect of Maslow’s hierarchy – due to hospitalism, neglect, shunning, ostracism etc. – can impact individual’s ability to form and maintain emotionally significant relationships in general, such as:

  • Friendship
  • Intimacy
  • Family

Humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance, whether it comes from a large social group, such as clubs, office culture, religious groups, professional organizations, sports teams, gangs, or small social connections (family members, intimate partners, mentors, close colleagues, confidants). They need to love and be loved (sexually and non-sexually) by others. In the absence of these elements, many people become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety, and clinical depression. This need for belonging can often overcome the physiological and security needs, depending on the strength of the peer pressure; an anorexic, for example, may ignore the need to eat and the security of health for a feeling of control and belonging.

In my opinion, sometimes in life we condition ourselves to behave in a certain way – why?  To protect ourselves from hurt.  So, my advice is to treat people around you a bit more considerately at this time of year.  You never know what demons they are wrestling with.

Be kind to yourself and to others,

Louise x

Originally posted 2011-12-13 15:04:02. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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Based in Kilmarnock, Ayrshire, Scotland

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